Lyrium Song
by amanitafragaria
Summary: Luca Tanner is seemingly a mercenary caught at the wrong place and the wrong time. Little does she know that the events that lead her to become the Herald of Andraste will also tear down a decade's worth of her lies. Faced with not only finally living the truth and but also fixing the world, she finds herself drawn to the Inquisition Commander. (Alternate origin for F!Trevelyan)
1. Chapter 1: Deep Shit

_Introduction/Author's Note:_ First things first, thank you so much for checking out my fanfic, I'm on my second play through of DA:I and I am completely in love. I haven't been involved in fandom for years but Dragon Age has somehow managed to reel me back. I actually originally thought I would just dump this first chapter just to get it out of my system, but after sitting on it for a few days I felt like there was a lot of story still for me to tell.

One thing that I noticed after playing Origins (DA:2 is in the works) was that the Inquisitor didn't have as much of a back story as the Warden, of course you get some dialogue options but the protagonist is definitely more of a blank slate. The inspiration for this story was that I always felt like it was really weird that this noblewoman from a respected family in Free Marches knew how to pick locks and do all this rogue stuff. It's a skillset that makes sense for Varric, Sera and Cole because he's a creeper, but it doesn't make very much sense at all for the generic Trevelyan. So this my attempt at giving boring white-bread noble Trevelyan more of a character and backstory.

**NOTICE: This fic as of 1/30/15 will now update every Friday**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1:<strong> Deep Shit

Luca woke up pinned firmly by a tidal wave of pain. As she blinked the stars out from her eyes she realized that not only was it confidently the worst pain she had ever been in but that she was also in a jail cell. She wanted to laugh, it was so ironic that years since she had managed to move past the thieving and petty criminality that she would be living what once was the inevitable. However as soon as the first chuckle tried to escape her lips, a pain that seemed to travel through her very marrow and veins bloomed from her hand. And then, she realized, so did a freakish green light. The panic set in.

The idea of magic was something deeply unsettling for Luca. She had fought enough and seen enough to know that having your blood boiled in your veins was no way to die. She had seen companions frozen and then shattered like crystals and consequently had had to bury friends that were more mincemeat than corpse. These days she had begun to take a special gamely pleasure in sniping down mages mid-spell with an arrow through the eye or slitting their throats while they hung back unaware.

Now she had a fucking green magical wound! The metallic smell and feel of so much magic on her body made her feel like vomiting. She retched pathetically and tried hard to not mess on herself.

A guard graciously interrupted as the last of the bile dribbled down from her mouth. He unceremoniously dragged her out of the cell and onto the cold stone at the center of the prison. Cold light glinted off the swords that surrounded her at all sides.

"She's awake Seeker Cassandra!"

"Thank you Soldier." a voice with a Nevarran accent said. Luca looked up to see a strong angular woman looking down at her with undisguised suspicion and disgust. Another, hooded, stood behind her silently like a shadow. It was clear to Luca before this Cassandra woman even spoke that her unknown crime was far more severe than anticipated. This was no fat city guard that had caught her pickpocketing an idiot merchant's son.

"Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now. The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead" she turned to look Luca with malice in the eyes, "Except for you."

Luca immediately felt just as sick as before she vomited, the green wound on her hand flashed sharply. This was some serious, deep shit. She shouldn't have been the one to survive, she wasn't a mage and she certainly wasn't a templar. As a mercenary rogue, she was really one of the worst choices possible.

Besides it was so hard to imagine what she could possibly have done to kill what must have been thousands. Trying to think back on it all she could remember after the initial memories of arriving at the temple was what must have been a very real and very bad dream. Chased by spiders, saved by a glowing lady and all that. It didn't even seem relevant. She met Cassandra's gaze evenly.

"I don't even know what I could have even done to 'Destroy the Conclave'. Who do you think I am, the Maker?"

Cassandra's eyes flashed with anger, she unsheathed her sword and looked about to cut Luca's head off. "Do NOT use the Maker's name in vain, you insolent…"

For a moment Luca cursed herself for finally letting her dumb mouth get her killed, but the hooded one intervened, stepping in between them.

"We need her Cassandra."

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><p>Luca lay shell-shocked on her bunk at Haven. First on her list of absurdities was that she had met Varric Tethras. The dwarf who had written all those true crime books (and trashy bodice-ripper romances but she wasn't about to mention those casually) and instead of being some writer type he was actually a consummate adventurer.<p>

Honestly that alone would have really topped out her weirdness chart for a lifetime. Who would think that a man who wrote such contrived plots would actually be living an interesting life?

The list just went on and on though. Bald apostate elf helping the Chantry out? Check. Gigantic demon with a lightning whip that had practically singed her eyebrows and skin off? Check. Hearing the disembodied ghost-voice of the Divine call out to her? Check. Closing a massive green hole in the sky leading to the beyond? Really why not at this point?

The last and most wholly surreal item on her list was that people were calling her the "Herald of Andraste". She didn't know if she could even joke about that.

It held too much responsibility, and that responsibility hinted at a thousand things she had run away from a long time ago. She thought about the ripping, burning pain of closing the rifts, thought about sheer scale of what depended on her now. Then she closed her eyes and thought about running.

Could she even run? She felt both hero and prisoner. Besides that the more she thought about her weird dream, the more she realized that it had not been a dream. She had physically been in the Fade. The spirit that had held her hand…

Though Luca remembered many things about the Chantry all of them seemed locked away in a neverland of fine velvets and expensive incense. For the first time in a long time she thought of her pious older sisters and her baby brother playing at templar with his wooden swords. It was a lifetime ago, the images in her head as distant and flat as a mummer's paper puppets.

They must all be grown-up now, at least Luca hoped. A Templar trainee in the case of her brother, married with babes in arms in the case of her sisters. She hadn't bothered with Andraste or the Maker in a long time but for some reason she said a short prayer for them. She felt quite peaceful afterwards and did not mind much the nervous elf that burst in and asked her to go to the Chantry.

She was significantly less relaxed when she had to wade through the throngs of people practically bowing at her feet on her way to the Chantry.

"That's her, the Herald of Andraste" a voice whispered to her left.

"She came out of the Fade, she actually walked through the Fade itself" a wizened mage said as she passed.

"Mummy! Mummy! Is that the hero?" a child asked as he tugged on her mother's skirts. Luca smiled weakly at him.

Instead of feeling powerful, she felt more naked than she had ever felt in her entire life. Who was she even to deserve this kind of adoration? She felt strands of her black hair start to stick with sweat onto her face even in the cold mountain air.

Luca ducked inside the Chantry.

Cassandra met her there and Luca found it surprising how the woman had softened to her after hearing the voice of the Divine at the temple. Although Luca still suspected that Cassandra might pull out her sword at any moment, Luca was deeply thankful for the distraction of the conversation.

"Your mark, does it trouble you?" Cassandra asked kindly.

"It is…" Luca looked at her hand, "I suppose far less bothersome than you would expect a gross violation of the natural order to be"

"That is good to hear I suppose. We are all glad that you are awake and willing to help. Maker knows the scale of the disaster at hand here" she paused, "Solas says the Breach is stable, but also that it is not truly sealed. In order to seal it we will need your mark…and the same amount of power imbued into it that was originally used to open the Breach"

"And you believe that apostate?" Luca asked incredulously, slightly surprised the elf was held in such high esteem, "I am no 'Fade expert' but I think I know enough to realize that crushing large amounts of magic into each other usually doesn't solve problems."

Cassandra raised her eyebrows and smiled wryly. "I agree with you Luca, but we have no other choice. The Circle mages are all apostates now and the Templars do nothing but fight endlessly with them. Now on top of everything the Chantry leadership has been utterly devastated. I do not think it impossible that the chaos will rip Ferelden apart."

Luca paused and appraised the woman. Cassandra seemed diminished somehow, it seemed that even she was not immune to the rising chaos. Luca felt a kind of sympathy for her.

"Do not worry Cassandra, consider me good janitor Luca. I shall mop up the mess of the Chantry, Ferelden, Orlais and the Fade itself" she bowed in jest.

"You joke now" she snorted.

Cassandra gestured at the open door in front of her and they both walked in to the war room.

"Let me introduce to the leadership here at Haven. This is Cullen, who you met earlier on the mountain. He is the commander of the forces here."

Upon entering Luca lifted her head to meet the eyes of a blond, very pretty man. She pegged him immediately. He was definitely a Golden Boy, probably the favored son of some Ferelden noble house and likely playing at commander.

"What's left of them, we had few here to start and lost many in the valley" Luca nodded politely at him and noticed that his eyes lingered on her just a bit too long.

"That is Lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador"

Josephine curtsied slightly and smiled warmly. "Pleased to meet you" Luca curtsied very poorly back to her, which caused a flash of amusement in Josephine's eyes.

"And finally this is Lady Leliana, who is in charge of more…secretive things"

Leliana smiled very slightly. "I am the Inquisition spymaster"

"Very pleased to meet you all. I am Luca Tanner, rogue with…formerly with the Silver Sons company." Luca realized with a sinking feeling in the middle of her sentence that they had all died on the mountain. They had really meant it when they said she was the only one who made it out.

"Well Lady Tanner, there are some issues the Inquisition must discuss with you." Josephine said.

"Uhh, it's ok Lady Montilyet we really can't all be ladies. Just call me Luca."

"Oh no problem at all, Luca. The issue we wanted to broach with you was that of gaining the help of the mages or templars to close the Breach. You are, after all, going to be heavily involved" Josephine responded with finesse.

"Yes I agree, the rebel mages have sought refuge at Redcliffe village. It would be advantageous to pay them a visit there" Leliana responded.

"The mages? Let us not forget the Templars, with their abilities they would be much better suited to the task at hand" Cullen added firmly as soon as Leliana finished speaking, Luca caught him glancing in her direction to gauge her reaction.

"Do not forget that neither will speak to us at the moment, we should not get ahead of ourselves" Josephine added, anticipating the argument that was to break out.

"I agree with Josephine, let's hear about what's to be done first" Luca responded, trying to be a mediator.

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><p>Cullen felt so odd that upon meeting the Herald of Andraste his first thoughts were that he had never seen a mercenary so beautiful. It seemed such an inappropriate feeling to have at such a moment. She was the otherworldly woman who had broken all rules to step out of the Fade. On top of that they were going to be colleagues.<p>

But Maker's breath she really was beautiful, raven black hair twisted into pinned braids. Perfect brown almond eyes with a terrible jagged scar going down and through the left eye. He wondered what it would be like to trace that scar with his finger and immediately felt like self-flagellating. Could he even be any more embarrassing?

Cullen sat on a crate and polished the lion's head of his helmet with even more ferocity than before. He really was losing it, if the withdrawal had been messing with his dreams before it was now taking hold of his emotions in waking life. He was letting this woman, who he really did not know at all, pull at his emotions like a puppy-love crush.


	2. Chapter 2: Lions and Bears

_Summary:_ Something's not adding up about the Herald of Andraste. The Inquisition begins to become very suspicious. Cullen is given his own assignment in their attempts to unravel the mystery.

_Author's Note:_ Forgot to add this stuff on the top of the first chapter. Thanks for reading everyone! Big stuff happening soon with conscripting the mages vs. the templars.

**Chapter 2: Lions and Bears**

After the exhaustion and pure nerves from the Temple of Sacred Ashes settled down being in Haven made Luca incredibly uneasy. At night she was hounded by constant nightmares and during the day she was constantly scrutinized.

Luca wondered what she meant to all these people. Some of the villagers simply thought of her as truly holy and acted so reverently around her that she once had to catch a girl who had tripped horribly while trying to imitate a formal curtsy. Although, thinking back now, the patchy blush that had spread all over her cheeks when she realized Luca had her hand on the small of her back was a little less than pious.

To the leaders of the Inquisition, she must seem a liability. Josephine constantly asked her prying questions about her past trying to dig up anything that she could use to sell the Inquisition to nobles. Leliana, who seemed oddly familiar to Luca, only watched silently but dug deeper with a stare than Josephine ever could with a barrage of questions. Cassandra didn't really like the lack of faith she had sensed in Luca. On the slightly brighter side her opinion of Cullen's incompetency had softened after she (along with several of Haven's kitchen girls) had watched him run drills with his men and Luca was relieved he only seemed disappointed that she had no real military leadership experience.

As for the rest of the Inquisition, she disliked talking to Solas. He not only had his head fully stuck up the pucker of the Fade but also had a mysterious judgmental streak that ran strong. She really could not believe the disdain in his eyes when she mentioned that she had issues with blood magic. This left only Varric really and they could joke around for so long, so Luca spent a lot of time staring up into the Breach, walking around the frozen lake or making small talk with Cullen's recruits.

It was a relief to journey to the Hinterlands.

Cullen walked into the war room slightly later than he had planned, Harritt had accosted him to complain about how his recruits were maintaining their equipment angrily waving a rusted sword. When he got there Josephine and Leliana were already deep in conversation.

"You haven't managed to get anything out of her Josie?" Leliana said, a slender hand resting under her chin, "That is very strange indeed."

"I've heard a dozen stories from her of mercenary exploits but never a single mention of anything else. Deflects every question of parentage or heritage. Do you think she could have been an agent at the Conclave, Leliana?" Josephine asked, questioning look on her face.

"If she is an agent, I don't know who would have sent her. With so many templars, mages and chantry clerics from across Thedas there, not to mention the retinue of servants, who would place an agent with a low-ranking mercenary company?" Leliana paced around the war table, in her element as spymaster. She looked up to notice Cullen.

"Have you noticed anything interesting about our Herald, commander?" Cullen noticed there was the lilt of a tease in her voice. He groaned internally, she must have noticed his staring, he hated how Leliana read him like an open book.

"N-no, not in particular. Are you suspicious of her or something?" Cullen cursed himself for stuttering even that little bit.

"We think our Herald is keeping something from us, but we cannot figure what it is. She is already very wary of me I think, I caught her attempting to duck into the Chantry basement when I was trying to introduce her to Bann Loren the other day," Josephine mused.

"What do you think she is trying to keep from us?" Cullen wasn't very good at gauging people, but the looks the two women were exchanging made him feel uneasy about what was to come.

"Her entire background it seems. The Herald is being conspicuously guarded about innocent information" Leliana looked at Josephine, then at Cullen again, "She is so wary of us already, but I think she would more open to you."

"Why, why would that be?" Cullen gulped, although internally he was strangely happy of the outside acknowledgment of her possible attraction to him.

"Commander you cannot be unaware of your…appeal," Josephine said with amusement in her eyes.

"Yes and I think that it would not be unpleasant for you to talk to her more" Leliana added, smirking slightly.

"Alright, alright stop playing games with me. We have a thousand things to attend to beyond this. What exactly do you want me to do?" Cullen huffed.

"Get to know our Herald better. We tease, but it is vitally important to our cause what kind of person she is, what kind of leader she is. The entire Inquisition depends on her character, Cullen. We must know who we are leaning on so heavily," Leliana's ability to go from Bard to Spymaster always caught Cullen off guard.

"I agree that it is important and I will try my best" Cullen replied, sighing. He had been outplayed.

It was past midday by the time they finished looking through and discussing all of the reports that had come in in the past few days. When they were done Cullen joined his recruits to eat the peas, salt pork and brown bread the cook had made that day, thoroughly enjoying the food and conversations.

By the time he finished leading his recruits on a full armor and pack march, the day was over and he finally had time alone for his thoughts to settle. Ever since Leliana mentioned it that morning he seemed keenly aware that the women and some of the men around Haven liked to stare at him. It wasn't really something he had noticed very much at all before.

He had started to feel subtle changes in himself since he stopped taking lyrium. When he had been on lyrium all those years, there was a constant singing buzz that emanated through his whole body. It colored absolutely everything with a lyrium-induced haze.

Everything seemed more tolerable while you were taking it. He remembered once having suffered a broken arm during a fight, the lyrium had taken the edge off of his pain so much that he didn't get it treated until days later.

That effect had impacted him emotionally too, he now realized. Although he had had a raging crush on an apprentice all those years ago in the Circle tower, as the months and years went on the lyrium had taken his ability to feel deeply away from him as well. Worst of all it had happened so slowly and so insidiously that by the end he hadn't noticed at all.

People who were not templars had always thought it slightly strange that he had never had a lover at his age. But people who did understand the burdens carried so secretly by the templars knew that although many had seemingly forgone that aspect of life by choice, the reality was that the choice had been taken from them by the lyrium.

The first indication that anything had deeply changed in him was the Herald. When he saw her it was as if a dam broke and a decade's worth of emotions towards the opposite sex had flooded out. He felt like he was 15 years old again. He was completely flustered around her and stuck between innocent longings of companionship and to his great shame, pure lust.

He wanted to pick flowers for her. He wanted to see her pinned beneath him moaning. He wanted to be near her, but her very presence made him terribly anxious. The very worst part was that he didn't know if any of these feelings were genuine or if they were all just fabrications from his mind pining for something to replace the lyrium.

Getting to know the Herald for the sake of the Inquisition was not going to be easy.

Cullen was spared for a few more days when Luca arrived back at Haven barely able to ride a horse. Mother Giselle was in tow fretting over her condition. The rest of the party did not look so great either, but Luca was definitely the worst. He rushed over to help her off her horse alongside Mother Giselle, Luca was a completely gawky dead weight and he almost took an elbow to the eye. When she was finally placed on a stretcher, she babbled protests uselessly about how she needed to be back on the horse in order to get to Haven.

"She is exhausted and has a fever, Commander, but she will be fine in a few days" Mother Giselle soothed as she rushed off to the Chantry with the soldiers carrying the stretcher.

Cassandra had her arm in a sling, but otherwise looked fine as she unloaded packs from the horse. Cullen turned to ask and she answered him before he could even speak.

"Our fight with some bandits had the great misfortune of attracting a bear, Commander" Cassandra replied sighing, "It is a great point of embarrassment for me as a Pentaghast that we were forced to run halfway across the Hinterlands"

"Oh." Cullen couldn't help but smile just a little now that he knew everyone was going to be okay. It was so easy to forget with all of the dangers and chaos of blood magic and demons that one simply did not mess with bears.

"Why does the Herald have templar training?" Cassandra cut straight to point as she barged into Leliana's tent.

"What do you mean Cassandra?" Leliana replied as she looked up from a report, deeply interested.

"She has never said anything about being able to use a sword. But I caught her using a dead templar's sword in the heat of battle. Her stance and style were pure templar, pure chantry. When it was over, the sword was on the ground again, the mage was dead and she was pulling her daggers out of the dead templar and complaining about how the mage had the gall to burn up her ironbark Dalish bow"

Leliana had listened intently to Cassandra's story as her mind worked at a thousand miles a minute.

"The mystery deepens, thank you Cassandra. I will have my agents look into this."

"No problem. I want to know who this woman is just as much as you do" Cassandra replied gravely as she left.


	3. Chapter 3: Haunted

_Summary:_ The Herald is plagued by violent nightmares at night but does not expect to walk into a ghost of the past in Val Royeaux.

_Author's Note:_ Thanks for the reviews, follows, favorites and support! I am so happy that there are readers out there who are enjoying my fic.

**Chapter 3: Haunted**

The apprentice looked so young, so pale and so unbelievably pure. It was impossible not to notice the uncontrollable trembling in her hands as she brought the lyrium to her lips. Luca felt so bad for her, she wanted to hold the apprentice's hand, give her something to lean on.

Luca clenched her hands as the apprentice's eyes rolled back into her head as she entered the Fade. They were not so different, around the same age, both with something to prove and both utterly terrified of what was to come.

"If anything is to go wrong, it is your duty to do what is necessary to contain the threat." the words of Knight-Commander Gregoir bubbled into Luca's mind as if from the bottom of a well.

Then the apprentice's face, that pure face with the round blue eyes, cracked down the middle like an earthenware jar. Blood and fire in equal amounts poured from the gaping wound, lighting the apprentice's robes on fire while staining them red. The hands that had been trembling had extended and grown like twisting roots, bleeding horribly all the while.

"IT IS NOT FAIR. NOT FAIR TEMPLARS. I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER LIKE ME!" the voice was not of this world. It was the thin screeching of the young apprentice mixed with the sound of animals being slaughtered.

Panic and fear like so much poison rushed into every point of Luca's body. Her vision was a tunnel now, focused solely on that face. Human yet so far from human. A bloodied cornflower blue eye now hung from by strands of viscera from where a too-large eye made of fire and blackness had pushed it out.

Luca was beheading the apprentice now. The vision shattered and suddenly she was watching the moment happen over and over again but multiplied across her entire field of vision. A hundred Lucas beheading a hundred apprentices over and over.

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><p>Luca awoke in her Haven cabin, sweating. However the fear dissipated quickly in the sunlight, terrible nightmares haunted her so often that they had lost some of their edge. Besides she had some real troubles to deal with. Today was the day she was to journey to Val Royeaux, blast it all.<p>

She had tried in every way to worm out of the diplomatic mission, which she knew had lost her a lot of respect with Josephine.

What did they want from her though? She had collected the cleric from the Hinterlands, killed a bunch of bandits, templars and mages. That was stuff she was good at, not addressing the Chantry in the Orlesian capital.

She had realized that the Inquisition leaders were expecting her to part of the leadership and it really made her nervous. She wanted to help, of course, it was not really a choice with the Mark and everything but she was making an effort. However she did not want, in a thousand years, to be brokering power deals.

It was becoming very clear that they were going to have to choose whether to align with the mages or templars in order to sealing the breach. Luca really just wanted the lot of them to decide already but with four of them, it was dragging out and more and more they were looking to her as the tiebreaker.

Luca threw a wad of smallclothes along with an extra pair of leather pants and wool shirts in a pack, then laid a set of formal clothing with the Inquisition herald embroidered on the chest on top of the lumps of clothing. She was fairly sure if she got those wrinkly Cassandra would eviscerate her.

When Luca got outside of the gates, preparations for the journey were still underway so she sat on the steps and ate an apple. She watched nonchalantly as Cullen marched over to her.

"Good morning, Herald." Cullen said as he fidgeted with the hilt of his sword.

Luca had realized recently that when Cullen didn't have serious business to discuss, he could be incredibly awkward. She liked to flirt with him to see him blush scarlet. The last time when she had asked him if he had taken "vows" had been a golden moment. He turned as red as a fall apple. She had even told Varric about it.

"Morning, Commander. How are you today?" Luca smiled roguishly, Cullen noticed that she had a missing tooth which was oddly endearing.

"I am doing well, plenty of work as always. I was just…just wondering. How are you feeling about this journey, Luca?" He plopped himself down on the steps next to her, armor clanking. Luca was slightly taken aback, that was the first time he had ever referred to her by her name in conversation.

"Has Josephine told on me for trying to squirrel out of this?" She arched one eyebrow.

"Oh no, no nothing like that, I'm not trying to…I am just checking up on you. Josephine thrives on this kind of thing and so does Leliana. Even Cassandra tolerates it. Tell me if I'm wrong but I think we might be alike in disliking this sort of mission, especially with the dangers that it poses to you." Cullen's amber eyes were steadfast and warm even as he rubbed his neck.

"That's sweet of you Commander…" Luca started, trying to get him to waddle off to the training yard again with blatant flirting. However when she turned to look into his eyes, she felt herself a little shaken by his warmth. He seemed to genuinely care on some level. She looked down.

"I am…I am definitely very nervous. I just don't want to. I don't want to ruin everyone's work. The Chantry's not going like me, those blasted masked Orlesians are certainly not going to like me. I don't know what to say at all. My father really had me read like a book all those years ago, I was really not meant to be dealing with noble bullshit." Luca had her chin cupped in hands and almost whispered the last sentence, although Cullen had heard it. She looked terrified, half-eaten apple in her lap.

Cullen wanted to touch her then, to envelope her against the cold Haven air. But he knew his words would have to do. "I cannot give you any good advice about Val Royeaux unfortunately. However I think that you will not fail us, you have already carried a huge burden so far. The Inquisition is on your side, Luca. We will try to help you as much as we can. Andraste watch over you." Silence settled comfortably around them.

"Herald let us make haste!" Cassandra suddenly yelled from atop her horse.

"Thank you Cullen." She smiled at him as she rushed off.

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><p>The summer market in Val Royeaux was a welcome break from the frost of Haven or the dust of the Hinterlands. Luca genuinely enjoyed looking at all of the different masks worn by the Orlesians and the air seemed constantly perfumed by food, spices or flowers. It was almost enough to distract from the constant whispering and dirty looks that Luca was garnering in her Inquisition heraldry outfit.<p>

However even here, it was impossible to avoid signs of the unrest in Thedas. Templars burst out of every corner, sitting armored in the cafes, talking by the fountains. As they reached the podium where the Revered Mother was addressing the crowds, it became clear just how unwelcome they really were in Val Royeaux.

It was everything Luca could do not to swear at the Mother like a sailor as she was accused of all manners of treachery and blasphemy.

Luca sucked in a deep breath when she could tell that everyone expected her to speak. "I came here to talk. In peace…" She couldn't even finish the terrible attempt at a pithy statement that was about to come out of her mouth when a templar punched the Mother in the head. Luca couldn't even try to hide her expression of shock and confusion. A grey-looking man leading the templars sauntered to the stage as if he owned the place.

"And I am supposed to respect this show of brutishness?" Luca asked him incredulously. "That was beneath a common thug let alone the fabled Templar Order."

"Do not presume to speak to me, false prophet whelp. There is no authority here but my own." Luca was so angry she impulsively gripped the dagger hidden at her side.

Cassandra put her arm in front of Luca, it was then that Luca realized that Cassandra knew the man. "Lord Seeker Lucius. We must talk…" Cassandra pleaded.

"You will not address me." He cut Cassandra off completely. Luca knew then there was no hope reasoning with the man. She simply listened to him as he lectured Cassandra, oozing self-importance, but it was still shocking when he stated that the templars were abandoning Val Royeaux.

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><p>"Lovely man, Cassandra. Do the Seekers always pick unbelievable assholes as their leaders?" Cassandra glared at Luca, but Varric stifled a laugh behind them.<p>

"The templars have been prone to foolish mistakes, but to cut themselves off like this is beyond foolishness" Solas mused, all but agreeing with Luca.

"That is not the man I knew. Lord Seeker Lucius was never one to abuse his power so." Cassandra said, a grave seriousness in her voice. "We should head back to Haven within the day. There is nothing more for us here."

Luca was still trying to breath in as much warm fragrant air as possible when out of the din of the crowds one word suddenly rang out to her.

"Trevelyan!"

Then suddenly it could not have matter less that they were in crowds. That both Cassandra and Varric had warned her not to wander off under any circumstances, especially not when she was dressed so conspicuously. The word was like a ghostly flame to her and she was pulled like a moth, she had not heard it in so many years.

She pushed her way to the source of the sound, which turned out to be a group of templars preparing for their long march. Luca watched as a young templar recruit with almond brown eyes and black hair struggled with two large unwieldy packs. She couldn't make a single sound as she watched, even if she knew what she could possibly say to him.

When Varric found her, she was still staring ahead with the color drained out of her face even though the templars had already hurried off.

"Seen a ghost?" he asked, with concern in his voice. Luca snapped out of it immediately.

"No, no nothing. Orlesian fashion, you know? Shocking." Luca smiled unconvincingly as she moved to walk away. Before Varric turned around to walk back to the Inquisition group behind her, he caught the eye of Leliana's agent and was reassured that the Herald had at least been followed by someone.

Luca was barely even able to pay attention to Grand Enchanter Fiona's words when she caught them as they were leaving Val Royeaux.

* * *

><p>Ravens travelled far faster than the small but guarded Inquisition convoy. Before the Herald had even reached the Ferelden border, Leliana had learned not only of the fall-through in negotiations but of the mysterious observations of the Herald sent by her agent.<p>

Out of all the strange loose ends of the Herald, Leliana could tell now that further research into the Trevelyan name would be their best lead.


	4. Chapter 4: Lyrium Dreams

_Author's Note:_ Thanks for the continued support!

**Chapter 4: Lyrium Dreams**

Luca was fully exhausted the day that they returned to Haven from Val Royeaux. However even in her state and even after dealing with Vivienne and Sera's boiling dislike for each other for nearly a week on the road, she could not sleep.

She hadn't really been able to sleep for days. It seemed like the day that the Conclave exploded, so did everything else in her life. It was becoming clearer and clearer everyday that with the way that the Inquisition was going, she wasn't going to be able to stay an anonymous mercenary for much longer.

Not to mention the ghost she had seen in Val Royeaux. She had always imagined her brother as a child, even when she thought of his future it was vague. To see him in templar armor marching in Val Royeaux was utterly jarring.

She decided that a walk around the frozen lake would do her good. There were too many thoughts racing in her mind all at once. Still deep in thought, she did not notice when Cullen made his way over to her.

"Uhm, Hello" Cullen cautiously said. Luca nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Maker's tits!" she took a deep breath as she grasped her chest, "Ah, it's you Cullen. Uh, nice to see you. Do you usually make a habit of sneaking up on unprotected damsels?"

He started to rub his neck, nervously glancing at Luca. "Well, uh, I really didn't mean to surprise you. I am in full armor so I figured you'd hear me anyways."

"Yeah, sorry, just can't sleep. A lot's going on you know?" Her gaze was fixed on some distant point in the mountains.

"There are great number of things that require your attention." Cullen replied, trying to shake himself out of his nervous state. Luca seemed to be closing off. He wondered if he should try to leave and cleared his throat conspicuously and awkwardly at the thought.

"Do you ever feel like your past is going to eat you alive?" she asked, locking eyes with him. Cullen was taken aback by the question and its strange phrasing.

He wondered if she could see that he was sweating even in the cold winter air. He had put himself on an informal watch duty that night because he simply could not sleep with the withdrawals wracking his body. Her question seemed so targeted to his current state.

"I suppose I have felt that way at times." he replied, deeply honest and thinking back to the years after the Blight. Luca smiled at him slightly, bright and unexpected.

"I wasn't expecting our perfect commander to be so candid. What kind of deep, dark past do you have?" Luca said, interested.

If Cullen had any doubts about divulging his secrets, it was washed away by how surreal the situation seemed. Luca looked like a goddess, the light from the moon reflecting in strange beautiful ways from the frozen lake onto her face. He also noticed then that her hair was down and noted that it was wavy as it flowed in the winter breeze. She was such a different person than the one pulled thin by demands during the day.

"My career as a templar has not been without its troubles. I always seem to be at the wrong place at the wrong time."

Luca flashed the mark at him and smiled. "We share that trait I think." Cullen smiled back and continued his story.

"I was stationed at Kinloch Hold during the Fifth Blight. I had just gotten there just weeks before Ostagar." He swallowed deeply, not noticing that Luca had gone somewhat pale at the mention of Kinloch Hold. She stared at him, rapt.

"The tower was compromised during the Blight. It was taken over by abominations and we were forced to fight for our lives. I watched a lot of my fellow templars die terribly. I was never really the same after that. Even now when I think of the demons that we have yet to fight, it makes me think of that time. How young I was, how paralyzed and how little I was able to do."

Out of the blue, Luca gripped his hand. Cullen could feel the sudden blush rush to his face, the self-destructive desire to pull away. But she was firm where he was scared and he realized how nice the solid touch of her hand felt.

"I am so so sorry Cullen. It may not seem like it, but I know what that is like. You never really get over what it's like to see people turn into abominations. Templars suffer so much and nobody ever cares." He noticed that there were tears in her eyes.

"Luca...what's wrong?" Encouraged by her hold on his hand, he pulled her in a little closer to him.

"You've really suffered so much. I knew somewhat about what had happened at Kirkwall, but not Kinloch. I had you pegged all wrong, Cullen and I'm sorry. You are far stronger than I ever was or could be."

"That is not true, Luca..." He started, at a loss to how to comfort her, her pain seemed to go beyond any understanding he had of her past.

"No it is true, Cullen. I suffered far less than you and instead of standing and fighting, I ran. I have been running all this time."

"I'm not sure if I understand what you are saying Luca." Cullen was starting to feel very unwell, hit by a very severe attack of his withdrawal.

"I used to be a templar, Cullen. But I ran away during the Blight. I have no excuse, I should have stayed and fought like you. I shouldn't have left them to die." The confession streamed out of her like the tears from her eyes.

Cullen waivered on his feet. Luca looked at him and realized the severity of his illness. She hadn't wanted to mention it before, suspecting that Cullen would never admit to it in front of her.

Without warning Cullen lurched forward like he was going to collapse. Luca caught his full weight, armor and all before he could seriously hurt himself on the ice. Maker he was heavy.

"Cullen? Cullen!" she tried getting a response out of him.

Cullen felt as if he was trying to reply to her from the bottom of an ocean. He could hear his pulse distinctly with every beat of his heart.

"I am sorry, Luca."

"We are getting you back to your tent." She said firmly, the severity of the situation drying her tears almost immediately. Cullen leaned deeply into her and they hobbled back towards Haven.

When they reached the soldier's camp, Luca deftly guided them past the guards posted on watch. She figured that he would appreciate it not only if there was no untoward gossip about them but also that his recruits did not see him in such a state.

When they got into his tent, she laid him down carefully and pressed a waterskin to his lips. She figured the stubborn man had probably forgotten to get enough.

"You could die you know." she said as she pulled away the waterskin when he had had his fill. He seemed a bit steadier mentally now that he was laying down.

"How...how do you know?" To his deep embarassment, she had begun tugging awkwardly on the straps of his armor, trying to take it off.

"I wasn't lying when I said used to be a templar and you don't see me sneaking lyrium do you?" She had managed to remove his fur cloak and was now working on a pauldron.

"It is a leash" he replied hazily.

"You don't deserve it, Cullen." Cullen might have been hallucinating it, but she laid a hand gently on his cheek.

"You are burning up, seriously." Luca said gravely as she managed to get the last pieces of armor off. When she was done, Cullen did not want her to fuss over him anymore and managed to place himself into his bedroll. He quickly slipped into a deep dreamless sleep, the first in a long time.

Sometime in the very early morning he awoke and realized Luca had fallen asleep utterly exhausted in his tent. She was curled into him for warmth. Cullen was still in pain but managed to place his furry cloak over her, tucking her in as best as he could.

He gently pushed a strand of her hair out of her face. Before sleep took him again, he thought about how beautiful she looked when her face was at peace and how comforting it was to have her close as he slept.

When he woke up at dawn, she was already gone. It occurred to him that the entire incident might have been a dream, but his armor was scattered around his tent and his cloak was where still where he had laid it on top of her.


	5. Chapter 5: Should Have Been You

_Note: _Thanks for reading everyone! Hope you enjoy the new developments in the story.

**Chapter 5: Should Have Been You**

Leliana eased up behind Luca quietly as Luca made her way to the mess tent for breakfast.

"Good morning, Herald." she said pleasantly, suprising Luca slightly.

"Morning, Leliana. Did you have something to discuss with me?" Luca replied with a slight hint of unease. Cassandra was fully capable of kicking someone's ass, but Leliana was capable of slowly ruining someone from the very foundation. That deserved a different kind of fear.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. Are you familiar with a templar recruit named Brandon Trevelyan?" The question was loaded.

Luca took a deep breath, which she saw Leliana carefully gauging. Luca's unease had been founded.

"I might." she replied, unwilling to show all her cards when Leliana had only given her a peek at one of hers.

"There is a lot that doesn't add up about you, Herald." she continued, her voice measured and flat. "You have tried to hide a lot. Your history, your former profession, your family."

"Maybe I should hear some of these details that you dug up about me?" Luca had her back to the wall now, both figuratively and literally. She was stalling for time and Leliana knew that.

"I don't know how you escaped the Blight, Lucretia Trevelyan. But I knew you once." Leliana paced slightly, always keeping her eyes sharply focused on Luca. "You were sent from Kinloch Hold to Lothering when you went mad after a witnessing a failed Harrowing. I was in the cloister there at the time. My sisters took care of you. When I left to join the Hero of Ferelden, you were on so much lyrium you could barely string together a single independent thought. Everyone assumed you died there. Fallen in duty, very honorable."

Leliana's tone was obviously mocking at the end. Luca panicked. She hadn't expected this kind of confrontation. She was being eviscerated.

"You were foolish to try to maintain such a monumental lie with your crude methods. You even managed to let slip to Cullen that your father didn't think you suited for diplomacy. Was anyone supposed to actually believe that you are a commoner mercenary?" Leliana stared at Luca, her gaze was a dagger.

Luca wasn't just backed up against the wall anymore. Leliana might as well have been pinning her. Luca gulped, trying to think what her next move would be. She was such a coward and an idiot to boot. She been foolish to expect Cullen not to report to Leliana about her. Even more foolish to spill her guts to him last night. He brought out a weakness in her that at this moment, being glared down by Leliana, she wanted to purge from her body forever.

"My only question for you is why? Why do all this?" Leliana asked, expectantly gazing at her.

"I...I don't know." Luca knew that she sounded like a simpleton. She had no answer. Leliana had all the cards, all the chips.

"You will contact your father. We will use you and your noble origins to further the Inquisition's goals. You will now be under extra surveillance so do not make any attempts at escape. Meet with Josephine immediately in the Chantry."

Luca nodded weakly. She could not imagine how she was supposed to tell her father that his daughter hadn't died 10 years ago.

* * *

><p>Bann Trevelyan arrived in person at Haven a week after the confrontation. Luca had just returned from a mission in the Hinterlands to collect a Grey Warden named Blackwall. The entire trip had been even more uncomfortable than she could have imagined. Cassandra had treated her like a prisoner the entire time and did not let Varric speak to her. Solas spent most of his spare time on the trip on Fade trips, unwilling to properly acknowledge the problems.<p>

When she returned to Haven, the gossip was at an absolute fever pitch. It was Luca's nightmare turned real. No matter what she did, there was always, always whispering.

Vivienne now treated her with some level of confusion and suspicion instead of just haughty disdain. Luca could not tell if it was for the better or worse; even as Vivienne did Josephine a favor and pulled some contacts to get appropriate clothing for Luca to wear when she met her father.

Luca wanted to die when she saw the high neck Marcher-style gown rendered in burgundy wool and velvet with the tiny fashionable waist. She hadn't worn a corset since she was 15 and just looking at the dress was making it hard for her to breathe. More importantly, she was going to look like a pig in pearls with her missing tooth and gigantic scar over her left eye. Vivienne had even gave her a set of makeup, "Something to distract from that dreadful mark on your eye, darling" she had said. It had made Luca feel significantly worse.

Luca was somehow even more dismayed when she entered the war room for the meeting, light-headed from being laced tightly into a bone corset, and saw Cullen talking with her father. Cullen kept his composure, but obviously did not have a very clear idea how to introduce her to her own father.

"Maker's breath" Luca's father gasped when he saw her. "This isn't some kind of blood magic trickery is it? The rumors about this organization..."

Bann Trevelyan was an intimidating presence, physically imposing even in his years. His eyes appraised every inch of Luca, steely judgment carried with every glance. Satisfied to some degree, the Bann continued.

"Thedas is going to pieces. The Trevelyans have suffered quite enough at the hands of this chaos. Commander, give me your honest word that the Inquisition is not trying to manipulate my house." Bann Trevelyan's eyes did not leave Luca the entire time as he spoke.

"My lord, I promise you that on my life and honor." Luca realized that Cullen had been sent to mediate, but had had to talk her father down before she had even gotten there. She was very thankful. It made sense, her father was slow to trust but had utmost respect for the templars.

"Nothing makes sense anymore." Bann Trevelyan continued, "My oldest daughters die at the Temple of Sacred Ashes and then my long-dead daughter seemingly dances out of the Fade to become the Herald of Andraste. My son is missing with the rest of the Templar Order on top of all that. The Maker's will is truly unknowable it seems."

Luca was having trouble absorbing the information. Her sisters were dead?

"Anastasia and Lydia are dead?" Luca couldn't manage much else. Bann Trevelyan flexed an eyebrow slightly at the mention of the names, appraising another piece of evidence of Luca's legitimacy.

"Yes, Lydia is...was a Chantry sister serving under Reverend Mother Andolyn whose entire retinue was at the temple. Anastasia, as my heir, was sent as my proxy to the Conclave. Maker let them rest in peace."

Luca rubbed her eyebrow nervously, hoping that she didn't smudge the makeup that Vivienne had painstakingly applied to her eyes when she had realized Luca had no competency at all. It was a nervous tick from her childhood, the tragic news and her upset father in front of her was triggering it from some forgotten place. Bann Trevelyan saw it immediately and suddenly seemed convinced that she was real. He was now also angrier.

"What were you doing all this time, Lucretia? You left the templars? They tell me you were a mercenary?! And Maker help us why did you not contact us in all these years?" Bann Trevelyan narrowed his eyes "We thought you were _dead _and you let us believe that for _10 years._"

Cullen noticed that Luca's hands were trembling, he had never seen her so frightened. Although she looked beautiful in her dress, she did not look right. She belonged in her leathers and sturdy armor.

"What kind of selfish coward are you? What happened to you? I remember a girl who was at the top of the templar recruit pool, a girl who had a sense of honor about her birth and a sense of duty to her family. I did not expect this bottom of the barrel mercenary scum."

Luca's eyes were wide and terrified. Cullen knew that he would have to intervene.

"Lord Trevelyan, you mentioned your son? It is in the Inquisition's interests to investigate in person what has happened to the Order, perhaps we can could contact him for you. As far as I'm aware, we are currently the only force in Thedas both willing and capable of such a task, our scouts tell us they have all withdrawn to Therinfal Redoubt." Cullen glanced at Bann Trevelyan, he was still completely focused on his daughter.

"Yes, Maker forbid that I lose my son too. I will acknowledge Lucretia as my daughter officially for now. I await for news of my are unfortunately right that you are the only authority in Thedas that can find Brandon."

"I'll find him, father." Luca's hands formed into still-trembling fists. "I promise you this. I will try to make up for what I've done." She looked him in the eyes, trying to steel herself.

Bann Trevelyan looked at her, the coldness in his eyes sent a chill down Luca's back.

"It should have been you." he said as he donned his cloak preparing to leave. "Not Anastasia, not Lydia."

Then he left the room, leaving Luca petrified at the table.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry that it turned out like this, Luca." Cullen said as he moved across the room to comfort her. He saw that tears were silently rolling down from her eyes as she looked at the floor.<p>

"I was at the Conclave the entire time and I didn't even think about my sisters." Luca wiped her eyes with one woolen sleeve, smudging her makeup terribly "Maybe I could have done something, found them. Maybe I could have talked to them. My father's right. It should have been me."

Cullen engulfed her in an embrace. He was warm and solid.

"Please don't think like that, Luca. You are incredibly important. He's obviously traumatized by what's happened to his family and from seeing you." Cullen held on to his embrace.

"Important? I'm just a tool for the Inquisition because of the mark." Luca's voice was hard to make out as she had her face buried in his cloak.

"Luca please...you are more than that. You are a friend to me."

Luca sobbed quietly into his fur cloak and quietly eased her small cold hand into his big warm gloved one.


	6. Chapter 6: Jealous

_Note:_ Thanks for the favs and follows! I updated this chapter just to reflect Luca's past a little bit better.

**NOTICE: This fic as of 1/30/15 will now update every week on Fridays!**

**Chapter 6: Jealous**

Luca rushed up a ladder as the battle raged all around at Therinfal Redoubt. Sneaking behind the templar archer camped on the ledge, she buried her dagger in his back and slit the man's throat with her other dagger as he reacted in shock. With a finishing motion, she kicked the man off her dagger and onto the stone below.

Within moments she had her knives sheathed and was firing arrows as quickly as she could manage into a corrupted templar knight threatening to reach Vivienne's position in the courtyard below. The battle was a terrifying mess, templars fighting templars, the Inquisition fighting templars and Orlesian nobility losing their minds all around.

Although muscle memory carried her body through all of the motions of battle, Luca's mind was absolutely terrified. She was afraid that any templar she killed could be her brother, but at the same time she could not hesitate even a single moment. The corrupted templars fought like demons and could behead her with a single sword swing. So she drew her daggers and let her arrows fly, sick with fear each time.

She noticed a few templar footsoldiers closing in on her position and started running to the ladder on the other side of the wall. An arrow clipped her cheek, shot by a marksman far far below. Luca's eyes widened, the strength that kind of shot took...it was far beyond that of a normal man.

Reaching the bottom she noticed that Cassandra had taunted the soldiers away from the wall. As they closed the distance between them and Cassandra, Vivienne expertly cast Immolate hitting all of the footsoldiers but avoiding Cassandra completely. Blackwall joined them when he finished off the marksman who had been shooting at Luca.

She realized the right side of her face was bleeding from the arrow wound. Luca had taken a risk in removing her helmet, all in the hope that Brandon would recognize her if they managed to meet. It couldn't have been very helpful from a distance and she wasn't a fighter you met face to face anyways. She was running off a lot of hope.

"That's the last of them for now." Vivienne said as she gracefully adjusted her robes.

Luca had taken Vivienne along to try to deal with the gaggle of nobles they had been traveling with, each one utterly charmed by the "romanticism" of Luca's story. Their over-the-top fawning admiration had been confusing for a few days. However Luca later learned from Vivienne that when the news of the Herald's true identity reached Orlais, the bards had spun it into a story where Luca had forsaken her noble birth to fight for the powerless and destitute. Vivienne hadn't told her because the nobles only grew fonder of her as she modestly tried to fumble through conversations. Vivienne really was a bitch.

She wondered what those nobles would think of her now, splatters of blood all over her face and armor. Battle was ugly, killing was ugly and her life had had a lot of both. Luca smeared an elfroot poultice over the face wound and started taking off the helmets of the dead templars.

"Please help me take the helmets off before we move on or more come. I need to check if any of them could be my brother."

* * *

><p>Their assault on the fortress progressed as well as it could have, the fighting was brutal but they managed to make their way up to the steps leading to the main hall. The pathway was strewn with dead templars.<p>

"What a waste." Blackwall said forlornly as they had to step over the bodies to reach Lord Seeker. "They were good men." Whatever eulogy Blackwall had planned for the dead was interrupted by the Lord Seeker's booming voice taunting them.

"What a fucking prick" Luca thought more than once as they rushed up the stairs. When Luca saw the Lord Seeker's grey putty face again, she already had her daggers drawn. Judging by what she had seen at Val Royeaux she had every suspicion he was behind the templar's corruption. She hated him. She would bury her knives in his throat and bleed him like a pig. The Inquisitions' diplomatic needs be damned.

He was too fast though, faster than any armored human man had any right to be. His hands were around Luca's throat before she could even react and everything flashed into inky darkness.

She couldn't be dead, Luca thought desperately. Could he haven broken her neck so swiftly? She sat in the darkness agonizingly for what seemed like forever. Then as suddenly as the world had disappeared around her the darkness faded to fog which peeled back to reveal a hellscape. She realized that the lights she saw were burning corpses like the ones she had seen at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. As she walked, horrified already, she heard terrible screaming.

Her sister Anastasia was running towards her, she locked eyes with Luca and the world around them froze except for Anastasia's face. Her appearance was so eerie, she looked exactly the same as she had when Luca had seen her last. That had been Anastasia's wedding day. Luca's father had arranged for her to have leave from templar training to serve as a member of the wedding party. Anastasia was a perfectionist and had insisted that Luca endure fitting after fitting for her gown. Not to mention the fact that she had made Luca's dress match the drapery and the tablecloths. She thought of Vivienne's Marcher dress and realized that before that Anastasia's wedding had been the last time she had worn a corset. Then suddenly the world unfroze.

"Please, Maker, help me Lou. It's so hot." Luca watched as her sister burst into flames screaming. Luca could not peel her eyes away as she shriveled into just one of the other corpses.

Shaken, unable to process what had just happened, Luca simply kept moving. More screaming as she stumbled through the fog. Lydia was already burning when Luca found her. Green flames had consumed her robes and had rendered her hands blackened claws. But her face, too young to be wearing a full Chantry sister's mantle, was untouched. She turned and looked at Luca.

"Where were you when we needed you? You could have saved me. You could have saved Anastasia. You'll leave Brandon to die too!" then she shrieked and the flames burned her furiously. Then she too was just a burned corpse.

As she walked further down the chamber, suddenly Cullen appeared from the murk.

"Cullen!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. She hadn't seen him since leaving Haven weeks ago and had been too nervous to talk to him properly after the meeting with her father. She was shocked to see him suddenly materialize in front of her.

Then she heard more footsteps and from her left stepped Brandon, not the young man that she had seen in Val Royeaux, but the 10 year old boy she remembered from before the Blight. To her right Belas materialized, which shocked her most of all. The old Dwarven healer had died six years prior, she had nursed Luca back from the brink and afterwards had taken care of her like a daughter.

"Dearest Luca. Dearest Herald. Did you like my games? I certainly enjoyed them. Now for another round! Which of these forms will truly let me _know _you?" their voices said in unison, echoing eerily.

Everything about the situation was demonic, Luca could feel it, the air charged just as it had been she had witnessed her first and last harrowing. But this was the domain of the demon and she had no templar powers and no blessed sword with which to fight. She was being toyed with and she was limp ragdoll in the demon's hands.

"What, brave Herald, will this tell me about you?" Cullen sauntered over to Brandon and ran him through with his sword. Luca could hear every grotesque noise the sword made as it cleaved through her brother. The blood sprayed from the body.

"Do not play games with me demon!" her voice echoed immediately from the bleeding Brandon's mouth, sick and twisted. A deep laugh filled the chamber.

"That is not your call to make." Belas' rich voice, distorted almost beyond recognition said as she appeared behind Luca. When Luca looked down again, the sword was in her hands and it she who had stabbed Brandon.

Cullen appeared again in front of her, a gross approximation of lust in his eyes. He cupped Luca's cheek with a bloody hand.

"You will make a glorious skin." he looked her up and down like a wolf, "Much better than the Lord Seeker. Much more fun." The phantom grabbed her waist hard before she could react and pulled her in. It kissed her hard on her neck, biting and sucking enough to hurt. She suppressed a cry, some part of her wanted these things from Cullen. But this was not Cullen, it was a monster and she was living a nightmare beyond even her terrible dreams. The thing then pulled away and grabbed Luca hard by her chin, it then had the gall to distort Cullen's face into a haughty smile. Then it disappeared just the way it had come.

It was sick and a battle she was going to eventually lose. Her sanity would slip and she would die. She started to run to the nearest door.

"Run. Run. Run." Brandon's childish voice echoed in a melody through the chamber. "But I am Envy and I will know you. I will have you!" the voice suddenly dropped into a deep evil vibration.

There had to be some way out, some way to will herself back into consciousness. If she died like this there was no hope for Brandon. There would be no hope for strong, noble Cullen. There would be no hope for the world because the Breach would swallow it all.

"I will do glorious things as you, dear Herald. Here, I will let you have a look."

Terrible scenes played out, she watched the phantom version of herself become a ruthless tyrant. Killing indiscriminately for power. Using the Inquisition entirely for personal gain. She watched herself murder members of the Inquisition by her own blade.

Envy saved the best for last, in excruciating detail it had rendered phantom Luca and Cullen twisted together in lust. Luca could feel herself waiver at the sight. It was graphic and frenzied. Envy laughed.

"I will have everything you want and more. _Everything_." as Envy said the last word, the entwined figures turned to stare at Luca and while they did so, their bodies melted and twisted together.

She wanted to throw up. Luca clenched her hands and thought of the warmth of Belas' smile, Brandon's laugh and the real Cullen's solid embrace. Envy could never imitate anything beautiful or good. She had to keep that in her heart, it could not be like when she was young. She could not lose her mind.

"Keep dreaming, demon shit! You will have nothing but Fade dust!" Luca kept running.

She finally reached the last dead end, trying doors that would never open. It was hopeless, she was too weak, too stupid. She realized that she was completely exhausted and sat down, out of ideas. Her nightmares were coming true, she would die in this dream and become a true puppet for the demon. She was useless, a coward who had run her entire life instead of setting anything right. She should have burned like her sisters. Her father was right, so right.

She suddenly heard a voice without the demonic distortion of Envy. A young man appeared in front of her. "I will help you. I promise. Not Envy, never, he only causes pain."

"Why should I trust you?" Luca said wearily as she slumped against the unbudging door.

"Because there is little time! You grow weaker with each passing moment here and in the mortal realm. I will help! I promise!"

She really had no choice.

* * *

><p>When she came to, it was like a breath of air after nearly drowning. Her concerned companions were around her, only a moment had passed in the real world while hours had fizzled away in the demon's Fade nightmare. The true form of the Envy demon loomed before her. It was disgusting, fleshy and pulled too thin in too many directions all at once. It fled as soon as she stood up.<p>

She could not think of what had happened in the nightmare. Even a moment's slip and she would not be okay anymore. The demon was still alive. She had to kill it, find Brandon and stay alive.

When she entered the main chamber, the demon had already barricaded itself with strong magical barriers. Ser Barris stood in the middle with an unharmed Brandon Trevelyan.

"Thank the Maker." Luca breathed. She needed some good news.


	7. Chapter 7: Haven

**Chapter 7: Haven**

"Maker, Brandon!" Luca exclaimed, Envy's images of her hands covered with his blood flashed before her eyes. She fought them back.

"It's really you isn't it?" he blinked, voice flat, eyes empty. "Anything is believable. My dead sister's talking to me." he looked down at his hands "Anything."

His eyes looked right through Luca, big and dark.

Luca glanced to Ser Barris hoping to get an explanation. He took Brandon by the shoulders and guided him to another squad of templars. When he returned Ser Barris looked upset.

"What happened outside the chamber?"

"The Lord Seeker's a demon imposter. Tried to take my form too." Luca said matter of factly.

"Maker I can't believe it, that means the real Lord Seeker is dead or being held prisoner." he replied. "I knew something was wrong."

Ser Barris paused slightly, pacing.

"The Order is always giving us new types of Lyrium to try. The quality and effects are heavily influenced by the vein it's mined from, the conditions, a whole array of factors that even the dwarves don't fully understand. New types are usually tested on the templars since lyrium is our risk, our duty."

He paused. "When the commanders brought in the red lyrium, they acted as if it was just another test type. They took it themselves to prove it was safe and insisted that those down the chain of command do so as well. You've seen the results. That red lyrium is cursed, it consumes those who take it mind, body and soul."

He looked at Luca with genuine sorrow in his eyes. "I received your message and I tried to find recruit Trevelyan as soon as I could. There was much chaos here, the red lyrium was causing...terrible things to happen. My progress was slow and by the time I found your brother he had already taken the red lyrium. He's a recent initiate so the dosing must have been low. Maker willing if he is placed back on the regular lyrium he will recover but it's doing something to him."

"Fuck." Luca closed her eyes, Envy's visions of death, taint and corruption ran through her mind. She looked back up at Ser Barris, "Thank you Ser Barris. I hope you're right, thank you for keeping him alive."

A scout burst into the chamber. "Ser, the red templars have regrouped and are coming to assault the main hall."

"We don't have much time. We need lyrium and our remaining lieutenants. Find them for us Herald and we can help you fight Envy." Ser Barris then turned away and started to give orders to the other templars.

Luca ran up to Brandon. "Stay safe, brother."

His eyes flashed, Luca thought that she could catch a touch of red in his eyes. He didn't say anything and neither did she.

* * *

><p>When they returned to Haven, Luca refused to listen to Josephine when she advised that they could wait until she was rested to seal the Breach. Luca insisted on gathering all of the able templars to hike up the mountain as soon as possible.<p>

It was a blur to her, she was held together only by the idea that the breach had to be sealed. If she stopped she would collapse physically and mentally.

After what Envy had done to her she couldn't even look Cullen in the eyes when she returned. She kept thinking of their doppelgangers twisted together.

She couldn't really look at Brandon either. He had looked very ill the entire journey back to Haven. Luca gave responsibility of his care to Cassandra due to her expertise with templars and decided to leave it at that until the Breach was sealed.

She knew that her state worried the Inquisition but she really didn't care. This is what they wanted from her, they wanted her to be a good Herald and seal the Breach. She would do that and it could finally be over.

When she got up the mountain, the task seemed so trivial compared to what they had had to do to get there. The pain of the sealing process didn't even register to Luca. When she was done she only wanted to get off the mountain again.

She felt like a husk during the festivities that followed the sealing of the Breach. Cassandra tried to talk to her about the events, but she nodded and made noises of agreement until she left.

Then the alarm bells started to ring.

* * *

><p>The tide of the battle changed so quickly after the appearance of the Archdemon. Luca felt barely held together as they retreated to the Chantry through the town.<p>

Cassandra and Varric helped Adan out of the wreckage as Luca covered their backs with a barrage of arrows. Everything seemed like it was burning. Luca felt like she was burning too.

"Let's go!" she yelled as more Red Templar horrors launched themselves over the wall.

"Come on! Get in the Chantry!" Cullen yelled as they reached the door. He looked at Luca with clear relief in his eyes. She didn't say anything.

Cole was in the Chantry with a dying Chanceller Roderick. To Luca's relief Brandon was there as well.

"What's the plan commander?" she asked. The direness of their situation had erased any petty images that Envy had conjured up.

"We have no chance here. Not against an Archdemon. Our only shot is to bury ourselves with them using the last trebuchet."

Roderick interupted them with the news of the escape route.

Luca looked to Brandon and knew now what had to be done. "I'll go, aim the trebuchet into the mountains, start the avalanche."

"No way, you can't go alone, you'll die before you reach the damn thing." Varric said.

"I agree, we will help you." Cassandra said as she stepped forward as well.

"Me too, Inquisitor. It is the right thing to do." Blackwall said as he volunteered.

"Sister, I will go with you as well." Brandon piped in. Luca looked at him incredulously. He hadn't said anything to her for a week.

"Absolutely not Brandon. You are going to leave with Roderick and Cullen for the mountains."

"Lucretia! I'm not as young as you remember. I can really help you." he protested.

Luca went over to speak to him. "Brandon, I...might not come back from this. I've fucked up a lot in my life, but please don't make my attempts at redemption worthless by putting your life on the line right now. Stay here and then leave with Cullen into the mountains." he tried to say something else, but she put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed tightly.

She looked over to Cullen. He looked so worried.

"Luca...I..." he started. Before he could finish, Luca pulled him into a kiss. She didn't stop kissing him for a long time, twining her tongue together with his. She had decided that she would give them this moment, just so it wouldn't end with her crying into him about her dad.

"See you later Cullen." she said as she pulled away and smiled.

When it seemed like everything was going to end, the walls of snow pummeling relentlessly down from the sides of the mountains all around, she was at peace. She had seen the red flare, Brandon was alive. She had kept her promise to her father. She had kissed Cullen, despite everything. It seemed somehow fitting that she would die after closing the Breach.


End file.
